By Mariska Nettikaden
Toxic Relationship
If your well-being is threatened in some way by another person, even if in subtle but consistent manner and affects you emotionally, psychologically, and even physically, the relationship is defined as toxic relationship.
Abusive Relationship
If you are in an unhealthy relationship where one of the two people overpowers the other forcibly with emotional, physical, or financial authority, the relationship is defined as abusive relationship.
Here is an overview of each type of these negative relationships:
Toxic relationship - signs
If your wellbeing is consistently under threat by what someone says or does or does not do, then your relationship with the other person could be labeled as toxic. Toxic relationship could constitute verbal and/physical abuse but here are some more subtle signs of toxicity in a relationship.
You give more than what you receive in return, which makes you feel devalued and depleted.
You feel consistently disrespected or your needs are not being met.
You feel a toll on your self-esteem over time.
You feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.
You feel depressed, angry, or tired after speaking or being with the other person.
You bring out the worst in each other.
You are not your best self around the person; for example, they bring out the gossip side of you, or they seem to draw out a mean streak you do not normally exhibit.
You feel like you must walk on eggshells around this person to keep from becoming a target of their spite.
You spend a lot of time and emotional strength trying to cheer them up.
You are always to blame; the other person turns things around so actions that were wrong on the other person’s part are suddenly your fault.
Abusive relationship – signs
Abuse is not a collection of episodic unpleasant behaviors. Whether 'premeditated' or not, it is a systematic effort to gain power and control in different ways in a relationship. There are many different forms of abuse, but here are the tell-tale patterns that underlie all the different types of abuse.
You are threatened with violence which may not necessarily escalate to physical harm, but it causes anxiety and paranoia.
You feel that you are being controlled by the other person – monitoring your online activity, spending and finances and your activities outside of the home.
You are insulted and called names with the motive to bring down your self-esteem.
You feel isolated from your loved ones since the other person discourages your contact with family or friends in subtle but manipulative ways.
You are physically abused which may start off as threats and then grabbing and shoving which could soon escalate to hitting, choking, smacking etc.
How do you move on from these negative behaviors?
Here are some possibilities of change within both toxic and abusive relationships.
Toxic relationship:
Repairing a toxic relationship will take time, patience, and diligence since most toxic relationships often occur because of underlying and unaddressed issues in the current relationship or from prior relationships.
Both partners will need move on from dwelling on the past, to resist the temptation to constantly refer to negative scenarios. This could leave both tense and frustrated in the relationship.
Finding compassion for your partner is important in attempts to move forward from a toxic relationship. Are there external motivators causing one partner to act out on the other? Has it been a difficult week at work? Or is there family drama unfolding that is affecting their wellbeing? This could help contextualize some aspect of the negative behavior although this is not an excuse for it.
An agreement and openness on the part of both partners to start therapy is always step in the right direction. Couples therapy is proven to be effective in addressing such negative behaviors but individual therapy also offers a safe space to explore attachment issues and other factors that might contribute to relationship concerns. This could also help get more insight on toxic behaviors versus abusive ones.
Abusive relationship:
Fixing an abusive relationship requires full commitment from both partners in the relationship and most importantly, placing trust in one another that they will work on fixing behaviors and agree to change for the better. On this path, the abused partner will need lots of support as he or she could face difficulties healing the emotional or psychological wounds. Both partners will need individual therapy – the abused, to heal wounds, the abuser to fix the nature. The partners will also need couples’ therapy or relationship counseling. Throughout therapies, the abuser must take responsibility to change for real and help the abused get rid of the fear with their changed behaviors. The abused must also delete their abusive tendencies completely to assure their partner of a healthy relationship moving forward and immediately.
Sources:
https://www.verywellmind.com
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